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The phonecall

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg…

Hello?

Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?

No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Gabe.

Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy Right now.

Brief Pause. Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs,
knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.

Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

I did it, Daddy.
And what happened, honey?
Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser. And now she
isn’t moving at all!

Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Gabe?

He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and
he jumped out of the back window, And into the swimming pool. But I guess
he didn’t know that you took out the water Last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.

Long Pause…

Even Longer Pause…

Then Daddy says,

Swimming pool?

Is this 486-5731?

No, I think you have the wrong number…

A nice contribution from Lawrence (not from Arabia)

The Lie-Clock

A man died and went to heaven.

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’
St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.’

‘   Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’
‘  That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.’
‘Incredible,’ said the man.

‘And whose clock is that one?’
St. Peter responded, ‘That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.’

‘Where’s President Obama’s clock?’ asked the man.

‘  Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.’

A nice contribution from Carlton in NC