Kategoriarkiv: 1 English stuff

Golf and age

Published first time 20110502

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,

‘How do you stay in such great physical condition?’

I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’

‘Well,’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?’

‘Who said my Dad’s dead?’

The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?’

‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the old Italian golfer. ‘In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.’

‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad? How old was he when he died?’

‘Who said my grandpa’s dead?’

Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?’

‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?’

‘No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old man want to get married?’

‘Who said he wanted to?’

A contribution from Paul ( the golfer)  from Provence

2+2+2=7


Published 1st time  2011

You gotta love him!

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully…If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2
cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.If I gave you 2 apples, and
another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another2, how many would you have?
Johnny: Seven!!! SIR!

A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?

A very angry Johnny: Because,…. I’ve already got a fuckin’ cat!!!

A nice contribution from Paul in Provence