Etikettarkiv: irish joke

Irish joke

ursprungligen publicerad mars 2012

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat watching the front door of the brothel over the road. The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

”Would you look at that!” says the first Irishman. ”Didn’t I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside.

”Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!”

They continue drinking their stout and roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

”Ah, now dat’s sad,” says the third Irishman. ”One of the girls must have died.”

A Contribution from Anders in Viken

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS ? ¤¤¤

A drunk Irishman who smelled of beer sat down on a bus next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was  sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, ”Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies, ”My Son,  it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”

The drunk muttered, ”Well, I’ll be damned”, then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what  he had said, nudged the man and apologized. ”I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to  be so direct.
How long have you had arthritis?”

The drunk answered, ”I don’t  have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

Another Paul from Provence contribution

IRISH STORY ¤¤¤

TWO IRISH WOMEN IN A BAR

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, ’I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.’

The other woman responds proudly, ’Yes, I sure am!’

The first one says, ’So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?’

The other woman answers, ’I’m from Dublin, I am.’

The first one responds, ’So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’

The other woman says, ’A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived onWarbury Street in the old central part of town.’

The first one says, ’Faith and begorrah it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?’

The other woman answers, ’Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.’

The first one gets really excited and says, ’And so did I! Tell me, what  year did you graduate?’

The other woman answers, ’Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’

The first woman exclaims, ’The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight!  Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!’

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, ’It’s going to be a long night tonight.’

Michael asks, ’Why do you say that, Brian?’

Brian answers, ’The Murphy twins are drunk again!’

 From Grady in Morganton NC

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO ¤¤¤

 An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice. 

She said, ’I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude’. 

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, ’Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’ 

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…’YES! YES! I WON, I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

 The dealer and players stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, ’What did she roll?’

The other answered, ’I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’

MORAL OF THE STORY –

Not all Irish are drunks,

not all blondes are dumb,

but all men…are men.

 Another goody from Lawrence ( not from Arabia..)