Etikettarkiv: irish

An Irish joke

 

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ”Here’s to spendig the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, ”I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”. She said, ”Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, ”Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” – ”Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, ”John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, ”Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years.

Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.

A contribution from Lawrence (not from Arabia)

 

Irish logic ¤¤¤

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.

irishlogic
”Tell me about your staff,” he asked Paddy.
”Well,” said Paddy, ”there’s the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there’s the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There’s also the half-wit.He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife.”
”That’s disgraceful” said the inspector, ”I need to interview the half-wit.”
”That’ll be me then,” said Paddy.

A nice contribution from Paul in Provence

IRISH JOKE ¤¤¤

A  petrol  station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his  sales, so he put up a sign that read, ‘Free Sex with Every  Fill-Up.’

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank  and  asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number  from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his  free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, ‘You  were very close, the lucky number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.’

A week later, Paddy,with his friend Mick, pulled  in for another fill-up.

Again Paddy asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him  the same story, and  asked him to guess the correct number.

Paddy guessed 2. The  proprietor said, ‘Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no  free sex this time.’

As they were driving away, Mick  said to Paddy, ‘I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t  really
give  away free sex at all.’

Paddy replied, ‘No it’s genuine  enough Mick.

My  wife won twice last week.’

A Contribution from Gunnar the dentist