Etikettarkiv: italian joke

Two italians on a bus ¤¤¤

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and
engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but
her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
”Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.”

The lady can’t take this any more,
‘You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,’ she retorted
indignantly. ‘In this country. we don’t speak aloud in Public places
about our sex lives.
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man. ‘Who talkin’
abouta sex?  I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘
Mississippi ‘.’

$50 says you’re gonna read this again.

More Italian stuff

Italian confession ¤¤¤

A man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy , went to the local church for confession.  
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

”Father.. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.  So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: ”That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.”

”There is more to tell, Father.. She started to repay me with sexual favors.  This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.”

The priest said, ”That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.  However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

”Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind.  I do have one more question.”

 ”And what is that?” asked the priest.

”Should I tell her the war is over?”

A contribution from TordJörgen Linkoping

Joke from Italy ¤¤¤

Italian Bread

Two old guys,one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, ”Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, ”Do you have any Italian bread ”

She said, ”Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”

He said, ”I want 5 loaves.”

She said, ”My goodness, 5 loaves …. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it’ll be hard.”

He replied, ”I can’t believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me.”

Another one?

a nice contribution from my friend Anders in Viken