Etikettarkiv: joke

The Human Body…

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 
 
One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb). 
 
The average man’s private area is three times the length of his thumb. 
 
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. 
 
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s… 
 
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. 
 
Women blink twice as often as men.  
 
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain. 
 
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
  
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.  

Women reading this will be finished now.  

 

Men are still busy checking their thumbs

 

This one made me laugh out loud… 
 
 A nice contribution from my friend Carlton in NC
 
 
 
 

 

  
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Den ”nya” sjukvården ??

Telefonen ringde hos Petterssons.

– Marie Pettersson i telefon!

– Hej, jag ringer från vårdscentralen. Din man Martin Pettersson var hos oss i går för att ta blodprover, eller hur?

– Ja, hur så?

– Vi har råkat ut för en liten beklaglig arbetsolycka, vi hade också en annan Martin Petterson här igår som tog blodprover och av någon anledning var bådas personnummer oläsliga på provrören. Säkert något printerproblem.

– Kan ni ta nya tester då?

– Tyvärr, med anledning av de nya sparkraven inom den offentliga hälsovården får man ta omfattande blodbilder bara en gång per person och kvartal..

– Jaså…..
– Så nu har jag dåliga nyheter att meddela. Antingen har er man HIV eller Alzheimers.

– Det kan inte vara sant. Vad ska jag göra nu?

Vi rekommenderar att ni tar er man till stadens centrum och lämnar honom där. Hittar han hem själv, så ha inte sex med honom

ett bidrag från Oleman

Old golfer ¤¤¤

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, ”I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment — chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The  girl says, ”I’ll go first.”  She  walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. He says, ”I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, ”Can you top that?”

The tough old golfer replies,

”No problem, just get that lion out of there.”