Etikettarkiv: old people

Getting married ¤¤¤

Jack, age 92, and Gill , age 89, living in Auckland, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.

Jack addresses the man behind the counter:

”Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, ”Yes.”

 

Jack: ”We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: ”Of course we do.”

 

Jack: ”How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: ”All kinds ”

 

Jack: ”Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: ”Definitely.”

 

Jack: ”How about suppositories?”

Pharmacist: ”You bet!”

 

Jack: ”Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: ”Yes, a large variety. The works..”

 

Jack: ”What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: ”Absolutely..”

 

Jack: ”Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: ”We sure do…”

 

Jack: ”You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: ”All speeds and sizes.”

 

Jack: ”Adult incontinence pants?”

Pharmacist: ”Sure.”

 

Jack: ”Then we’d like to use this store for our wedding presents list…”

Another Provence contribution from Paul

 

Logical old people ¤¤¤

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics’ shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem, how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ’Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’

The farmer said, ’Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can’t carry this lot.’

The old lady suggested, ’Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?’

’Why, thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way, he said ’Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, ’I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

The farmer said, ’Holy smokes, lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’
The old lady replied, ’Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.

Another Paul-contribution