Etikettarkiv: wife

BLUE FLASHING LIGHT IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR….

A man seeing flashing blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. After coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, ”What’s the problem officer?”

Officer: You were going  at least 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80 I would say! (The man gives wife dirty look.)

Officer: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks! (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)

Officer: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, ”For cryin’ out loud, can’t you just shut up?!”

The officer turns to the woman and asks, ”Ma’am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”

Wife:  ”No officer, Only when he’s drunk.”

A contribution from  my friend Carlton in Charlotte NC

A SAD STORY

A man received the following text message from his neighbour:
”I am so sorry, Bob.
I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess.  I have been into your wife, day and night when you’re not around.
In fact, more than you.  I’m not getting it at home, but that’s no excuse.
I should not have taken advantage like this and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.”
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
”Damned autocorrect.  I meant ’wifi  not ’wife.’ 
A contribution  Paul  in Provence
”Puter” terminology
autocorrect=setting inWords ( Microsoft who else??…) which corrects misspellings automatically
wifi=wireless network  to get into with your computer to connect with internet