1 English stuff

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The new Lexus

A very famous and successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus de Luxe in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver’s door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. ”I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. ”You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.”

”How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, ”Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!”

”OH, MY GOD!!!” screamed the lawyer. ”My Rolex!!!”

A nice contribution from Hans the footdoc

 

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The wise fisherman

wise

A guy is 85 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ’Pick me up.’

He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ’Pick me up.’

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, ’Are you talking to me?’

The frog said, ’Yes, I’m talking to you.’

Pick me up, then kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!’

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, ’What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, ’Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’

With age comes wisdom.

groda

 

From Paul in Provence

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Fred and Edna a sad story

Fred and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital, and good friends. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Fred suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank straight to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. 
  
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse/Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ’Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to respond rationally to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of your friend… I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness.

The bad news is, Fred hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Edna replied, ’He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry…

A contribution from the one and often only  Paul in Provence