A contribution from Paul in Provence
2 JOKES
Garderobshistoria
En kvinna hade tagit hem sin älskare på dagen, medan hennes man är på sitt arbete. Utan att hon vet det så har hennes nioåriga son gömt sig I garderoben.. När hennes man överaskande kommer hem, så gömmer hon sin älskare I garderoben där den lilla pojlen redan står.
Pojken säger:-Det är mörkt här.
-Ja det är det , svarar mannen.
…
-Jag har en baseboll.
.Det är ju bra.
-Vill du köpa den? Undrar pojken.
-Nej tack.
-Min pappa är utanför.
-Ok hur mycket?
-Tusen kronor.
Någon vecka senare händer det igen att den lilla pojken och mammas älskare är I garderoben tillsammans.
-Det ör mörkt här inne.
-Ja det är det.
-Jag har en basebollhanske….
-Hur mycket? Undrar mammans älskare som minndes förra gången.
-Två tusen kronor.
-OK…
Några dagar senare säger pappan till sonen att hämta bollen och handsken så dom kan kasta lite baseboll.
Pojken svarar då att det inte går.
-Jag har sålt dem.
-För hur mycket?
-Tretusen kronor!
Pappan blir upprörd.
-Det var inte snällt att ta så hutlöst betalt av dina vänner. Det är ju många gånger dyrare än nya. Du får följa med till kyrkan och bikta dig för prästen.!
De går till kyrkan och pappan placerar pojken I biktbåset., stänger dörren och sätter sig utanför. Pojken säger:
-Det är mörkt här inne…
-Börja inte med den skiten igen, säger prästen…
Pågen Normann har skickat denna roliga historia
Ideologier
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…
A contribution from Björn the true Scandinavian
Några Göteborgsvitsar
En götevargare från Hans the footdoc