1 English stuff

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BLUE FLASHING LIGHT IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR….

A man seeing flashing blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. After coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, ”What’s the problem officer?”

Officer: You were going  at least 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80 I would say! (The man gives wife dirty look.)

Officer: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks! (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)

Officer: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, ”For cryin’ out loud, can’t you just shut up?!”

The officer turns to the woman and asks, ”Ma’am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”

Wife:  ”No officer, Only when he’s drunk.”

A contribution from  my friend Carlton in Charlotte NC

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Everything in TEXAS is big

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, ”Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, ”Everything is big in Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a restaurant. Upon arriving…., he ordered a drink and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, ”Wow these mugs are big!” The bartender replied, ”Everything is big in Texas.”

After a couple of drinks, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, ”Second door to the right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, ”Don’t flush, Don’t flush!”