The Scottish Brothel ¤¤¤

The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
 
”May I help you sir?” she asked.
 
The man replied,  ”I want to see Suzy.”
 
”Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies
Perhaps you would prefer someone else” 
, said the madam.
 
He replied,  ”No, I must see Suzy.”
 
Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit.
 
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
 
After an hour, the man calmly left.
 
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.
 
Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
 
”There are no discounts. The price is still £5000.”
 
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
 
After an hour, he left..
 
The following night the man was there yet again.
 
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.
 
After their session, Suzy said to the man,
”No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?”
 
The man replied,    Edinburgh.”
 
”Really,” she said.  ”I have family in Edinburgh   .”

”I know.” the man said.  ”Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer
She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance.” 

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1.  Death
2.  Taxes
3.  Being screwed by a lawyer!

A contribution from Paul in Provence

Rude passenger… ¤¤¤

For all Employees Who Work with Rude Customers –

An award should go to the Westjet Airline gate attendant in Kelowna , British Columbia for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded flight was canceled after Westjet’s 767s had been withdrawn from service.
A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk..
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,

I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS”.

The attendant replied,

I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:

May I have your attention please; may I have you attention please, ”

she began – her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said:

F…You!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)

I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.”

A nice contribution from my friend Bent Denmark