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Three jokes about engineers

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, ”Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, ”Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ”Take what you want.”

”The second engineer nodded approvingly, ”Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

 

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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, ”What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, ”I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!
”The pastor said, ”Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.” [dramatic pause]
”Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greenskeeper replied, ”Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our club house from
a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, ”That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, ”Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s
anything he can do for them.”
The engineer said, ”Why can’t these guys play at night?”

A contribution from Anders in Viken

Irish joke

ursprungligen publicerad mars 2012

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat watching the front door of the brothel over the road. The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

”Would you look at that!” says the first Irishman. ”Didn’t I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside.

”Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!”

They continue drinking their stout and roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

”Ah, now dat’s sad,” says the third Irishman. ”One of the girls must have died.”

A Contribution from Anders in Viken

Best Joke in 2011

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars,so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars,so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies, ”Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”

A contribution from my friend Bent in Denmark