1 English stuff

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DIVORCE vs. MURDER

DIVORCE vs. MURDER 

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up
to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
”I’d like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, ”Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, ”I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, ”Lord have mercy!  I
can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law !
I’ll lose my license !  They’ll throw both of us in jail !   All kinds of
bad things will happen.  Absolutely not !

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, ”You didn’t tell me
you had a prescription..”

A contribution from my friend Bent in Roskilde Denmark

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Short memory ¤¤¤

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ’Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

’Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
’Sure..’

’Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
’No, I can remember it.’

’Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’
He says, ’I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’

’I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.

Irritated, he says, ’I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..

She stares at the plate for a moment.
’Where’s my toast ?’