2 JOKES

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Two ladies in heaven

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st  woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd  woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die?

1st  woman: I froze to death.

2nd  woman: How horrible!

1st  woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd  woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st  woman: So, what happened?

2nd  woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st  woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive.   …  🙂

 

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Baptizing a drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk,’Are you ready to find Jesus?’

’Yes I am’ replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, ’Brother, have you found Jesus?’

The drunk replies, ’No, I haven’t.’ The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again,’Have you found Jesus, my brother?’

The drunk again answers, ’No, I have not found Jesus.’
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, ’For the love of God, have you found Jesus?’

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,

 

’Are you sure this is where he fell in?

 

From my friend Carlton NC