2 JOKES

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Apropå klarspråk ¤¤¤

Sydsvenska Dagbladet: 
Man dömd till 2 år i Eslöv 
(Fy för att tillbringa 2 år i Eslöv!) 

21-åringen anhölls misstänkt för grov stöld av åklagare. 
(Åklagare är hett eftertraktade på Svarta börsen har jag hört!) 

Nordvästra Skåne Tidningar: 
Mannen dog medan kvinnan avled. 
(Och skillnaden är…?!) 

Örebrokuriren: 
Gynekolog hittade knarkgömma. 
(Var undrar man genast?!) 

Svenska Dagbladet: 
Färre gökar i södra Sverige. 
(Vilket låter märkligt med tanke på hur många barn som fötts hittills i år!) 

Ingen av de omkomna hade livshotande skador 
(Istället dog de av…??) 

Uppsala Nya Tidning: 
Högsta Domstolen prövar manlig omskärelse. 
(Tur att man inte är anställd där …..) 

Bergslagsposten: 
Inga spår efter skomakare. 
(Han måste ha flugit fram) 

Huset som brann ned till grunden blev totalförstört. 
(Nähä….?) 

Ölandsbladet: 
Mindre poliser till Borgholm. 
(Vad är maxlängden?) 

Helsingborgs Dagblad: 
Vi skriver alt dåligare. 
(Det jör vi vel inte!) 

Dagens Nyheter: 
Audis dieselversion av A8 imponerar med sin låga bensinförbrukning. 
(Inte undra på!!) 

Expressen: 
Svältdöd blir vardagsmat. 
(Vad blir då festmat?) 

Dagen: 
Lam pojke bortsprungen. 
(Hur lam var han sa du?) 

Aftonbladet: 
Arbetslösa har rätt till dagisplats. 
(Då är de ju åtminstone sysselsatta!) 

Polisen grep torsk i fiskhamnen. 
(Var hittar man annars torsk?) 

Storgråtande bedyrade den 30-åriga porrstjärnan sin oskuld. 
(Yeah right!) 

Östersundsposten: 
Krockade med älg på motorcykel. 
(Åker älgar motorcykel…?)

 Från Anders i Viken

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Better than the latest flue shot ¤¤¤

   

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties.  And had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!.   When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
’Miss Beatrice’, he said, ’I wonder if you would tell me about this?’, pointing to the bowl.
’Oh, yes,’ she replied, ’Isn’t it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu All winter.’ 

A Contribution from Anders in Viken and reminded of by Paul in Provence

by

Better than the latest flue shot ¤¤¤

   

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties.  And had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!.   When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
’Miss Beatrice’, he said, ’I wonder if you would tell me about this?’, pointing to the bowl.
’Oh, yes,’ she replied, ’Isn’t it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu All winter.’ 

A Contribution from Anders in Viken and reminded of by Paul in Provence