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Alternate shots

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples’ alternate shot  tournament at his club
He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife ”Just hit it toward the  green, anywhere around there will be fine.”


The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said ”That’s OK, Sweetheart”
and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position..
He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole.He told his wife to knock the ball in.

 His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.
Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.He took the ball out of the hole and, while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said,
”Honey, that was a bogey five, and  that’s OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole”


To which she replied, ”Listen asshole, don’t bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine.”

A nice contribution from Paul in Provence

 

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WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS ? ¤¤¤

A drunk Irishman who smelled of beer sat down on a bus next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was  sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, ”Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies, ”My Son,  it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”

The drunk muttered, ”Well, I’ll be damned”, then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what  he had said, nudged the man and apologized. ”I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to  be so direct.
How long have you had arthritis?”

The drunk answered, ”I don’t  have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

Another Paul from Provence contribution

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Clever woman ¤¤¤

lady

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father, and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died,
he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.

”I may look like an ordinary guy,” he said to her,
”but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million.”

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men

A contribution from Paul in Provence