1 English stuff

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A SAD STORY

A man received the following text message from his neighbour:
”I am so sorry, Bob.
I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess.  I have been into your wife, day and night when you’re not around.
In fact, more than you.  I’m not getting it at home, but that’s no excuse.
I should not have taken advantage like this and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.”
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
”Damned autocorrect.  I meant ’wifi’  not ’wife.’ 
A contribution  Paul  in Provence
”Puter” terminology
autocorrect=setting inWords ( Microsoft who else??…) which corrects misspellings automatically
wifi=wireless network  to get into with your computer to connect with internet
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The deaf wife problem

Bob feared his wife Peg wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

’Here’s what you do,’ said the Doctor, ’stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.’

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, ’I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.’ Then in a normal tone he asks, ’Honey, what’s for dinner?’

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, ’Peg, what’s for dinner?’

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, ’Honey, what’s for dinner?’

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. ’Honey, what’s for dinner?’

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. ’Peg, what’s for dinner?’

(I just love this…………..)

’For God’s sake, Bob, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!’

A nice contribution fromPaul in Provence