2 JOKES

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Göteborgsvits ¤¤¤

En mamma är på besök i Göteborg med sin lilla dotter. Hon tar taxi
förbi Feskekörka där det står ett antal lättklädda damer på trottoaren.
– Vad är det där för tanter?, frågar dottern.
– Det är sjömännens fruar som väntar på att deras män ska komma hem
från havet, svarar mamman snabbt.

– Struntsnack. Det ser väl alla att det är luder, säger taxichauffören
och vänder sig om.
Det blir en lång tystnad innan dottern säger:
– Mamma, kan luder få barn?

– Självklart, svarar mamman. Varifrån tror du alla taxichaufförer kommer?

/ kommer från Christer hos H

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Mental health ¤¤¤

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ’Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Edna replied, ’He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?’

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The Parrot ¤¤¤

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft 
music and anything else he could think of to ’clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.

John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand,grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked, kicked and screamed. 

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said

”I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, very softly,

 

”May I ask what the turkey did?”

A nice  contribution from Paul in Provence