2 JOKES

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Do not step on the duck ¤¤¤

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. 

When they get there, St. Peter says, 

'We only have one rule here in heaven: 
Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, 
There are ducks all over the place. 

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, 
And although they try their best to avoid them, 
The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. 
St. Peter chains them together and says, 

'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to 
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' 

The next day, 
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck 
And along comes St. Peter, 
Who doesn't miss a thing with him is another extremely ugly man. 
He chains them together 
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained 
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, 
But  one day St.Peter comes up to her 
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on 
.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.


St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, 
'I wonder what I did to deserve being 
Chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 
'I don't know about you, 
But I stepped on a Duck.



A contribution from Anders in Viken

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Joke from Italy ¤¤¤

Italian Bread

Two old guys,one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, ”Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, ”Do you have any Italian bread ”

She said, ”Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”

He said, ”I want 5 loaves.”

She said, ”My goodness, 5 loaves …. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it’ll be hard.”

He replied, ”I can’t believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me.”

Another one?

a nice contribution from my friend Anders in Viken

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Good test

I recently visited a mental asylum and I asked the director, ”how can you know when a person needs to be institutionalized?”

He said, ”Well, we fill a bathtub with water and we offer them a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket and ask them to empty the tub.”

I said, ”I see…a normal person would choose the bucket because it is bigger.”

He responded, ”No. A normal person would pull the plug…would you like a bed by the window?

A contribution from pågen Thomas