Golf

by

The Wise golfer

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, ”If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

”No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

”Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

”Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. ”I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

”Well,” said the man, ”I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. ”Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing this?”

The man replied, ”That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.”

A contribution from Paul in Provence

by

The man with one arm

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf.

One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself. I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself.

He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

He asked ”Why are you so happy anyway?”

He said ”I’m NOT happy. My balls itch”.

 from Anders in Viken