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Golfers poem

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It’s Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows … I’ll Be Back Tomorrow.
***********

Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls…..
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon..

Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.

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Good morning ¤¤¤

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. 
Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is,
 but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue.
The dad said,
’Well, it’s what mommy calls me sometimes.’ 

The little girl screams to her brother, ’Don’t eat it!  It’s an asshole!’

*******************************************************************

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo,
and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest
ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol,
we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest
and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption
of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a
faster and more efficient machine.

So that’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
 

 

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Tack för bidraget Fredrik!