Golf

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The wealthy golfer ¤¤¤

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at
the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy
25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her
youthful sex appeal and charm who hangs over Bob’s arm and
listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast.

They corner him and ask, ”Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, ”Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. ”So, how’d you persuade
her to marry you?”

Bob says, ”I lied about my age.”

His friends respond, ”What do you mean? Did you tell her you were
only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, ”No, I told her I was 90.”

From Oles Archive…

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Alternate shots

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples’ alternate shot  tournament at his club
He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife ”Just hit it toward the  green, anywhere around there will be fine.”


The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said ”That’s OK, Sweetheart”
and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position..
He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole.He told his wife to knock the ball in.

 His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.
Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.He took the ball out of the hole and, while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said,
”Honey, that was a bogey five, and  that’s OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole”


To which she replied, ”Listen asshole, don’t bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine.”

A nice contribution from Paul in Provence

 

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Confession

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, ”Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Beth replied, ”Well Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason.”

Charles was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, ”I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ’good reasons’?”

Beth said, ”The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said, ”I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Beth asked, ”And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

”I recall that,” says Chuck. ”And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

”All right,” Beth said. ”So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”